Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
