Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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