Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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