I accidentally had phone sex last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
