I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
