so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
In America we eat man semen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize