i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
