And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
