I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
