i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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