people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
