there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
