I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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