he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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