that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
