Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
