we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
