my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
