FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
