So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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