you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
