Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
