she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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