as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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