perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
