it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
where are my eyebrows?
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