Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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