why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
