stop calling my apartment porn island.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
tell me about the eggs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
