PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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