WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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