the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize