My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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