lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
