sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
