I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
