I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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