forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
