I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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