I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
