1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
