Your tits are I can't wait for
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know her cup size but not her name....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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