I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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