I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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