I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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