Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
