I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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