Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
