I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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