Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
