put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I love you. Go after that dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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