Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
