It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
