he told me I talked like a deaf person
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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