Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I died a long time ago.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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