well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
