i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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