this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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