my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
