I'm laying in your front yard are you home
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
