last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
