she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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