I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
