I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
