I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
