batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
