ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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