Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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