see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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