you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
