If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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