I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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