naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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