Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fuck appropriateness.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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